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Rurouni Rewrites (Or Traveling Firecracker Salesman Enishi)
Part 1--* Hitokiri Battousai One hundred and forty years ago, in the whirlpool of Kyoto violence that began with Perry’s landing in Japan, there was a warrior called Hitokiri Battousai. This man, who paved the way for the new Meiji era with these bloody battles, disappeared at the conclusion of the bloodshed. With the passage of time he became a legend, known simply as "the strongest." And so our story begins, in Tokyo, in the year 1878---- (A man is walking through the streets of a small town at night. He is tall, has white hair that seems to defy the laws of gravity, and wears tinted glasses. Strapped to his back is a long package wrapped in cloth.) Kaoru: Hitokiri Battousai! (He looks behind him. A girl dressed in a hakama and carrying a bokutou is walking towards him.) Kaoru: At long last I’ve found you. Your two months of bloodshed in the streets ends tonight. Prepare yourself! Vagabond (arches an eyebrow): For what? Kaoru: Don’t play innocent with me! Who else would ignore the edict and walk around with a sword!! (Surprised, the vagabond looks at the package strapped to his back. The tip of his sword is showing. She swings. The vagabond leaps out of the way, crashing into a fence and collapsing in a heap.) Kaoru: That didn't take long . . . Hitokiri Battousai? Vagabond: (rubbing his head) I just arrived in town. I don’t know anything about bloodshed in the streets--- did you just call me Hitokiri Battousai?! (looks annoyed) Of all the insulting things to say… Kaoru: Well . . . well how do you explain this sword? Swordsmen aren’t allowed to wear real swords! (she draws the sword, eyes widen) What is this? (to herself) It’s very big… Vagabond: (obviously very proud of his, um, sword). A combination Chinese hilt and Japanese blade, takes a whole lot of arm strength to wield this baby… Kaoru: . . . Surely if the Battousai used such an unusual weapon, people would know. But I’ve heard no stories about strange swords (shakes her head) You really are just . . . Vagabond: Yes. A traveling firecracker salesman. Kaoru: (jaw drops, eyes pop out) Eh? (shakes her head) Where did that come from? (looks back at Enishi) But why would you carry a sword if you were--the police whistle! (she sets off running) This time for sure! Vagabond (picks up his sword). Looks like trouble in a place I don’t know. (grins maniacally) This ought to be fun. (A scene of carnage. A giant swordsman is massacring a group of policemen.) Battousai: Weak! Weak! You’re all too weak! Policeman: He--he’s just too strong. That strength . . . it truly is the great Battousai! Kaoru (leaping in front of him): Hold it right there, Battousai!! (they exchange blows. Kaoru leaps clear, skidding to a halt against a wall. She’s taken a cut to the shoulder. He advances, trapping her against the wall.) Oh no . . . (The vagabond snatches her up and carries her out of danger.) Vagabond: You are reckless. Kaoru: The vaga—(kicks him in the shin) (He winces) Vagabond (in an annoyed albeit pained voice): That’s no way to thank a -- Kaoru: What on earth is wrong with you! Battousai (viewing them all with disgust.): I am Battousai! Himura Battousai of the Kamiya Kasshin School! (as he leaves) The one they call Hitokiri Battousai! Kaoru (ready to run after him) Wait! Vagabond (holding her back by her ponytail): He waited long enough. (recovering from the rain of blows she just dealt him) Chasing a man too far when you’re wounded is taking your life in your hands. He gave the name of his school, so you can track him down without all this haste-- Kaoru: Kamiya Kasshin is MY school!! He's been committing these atrocities in our name! Once I get my hands on him I'll-- Vagabond (picks her up and carries her) I said chasing him too far wouldn't help, didn't I? Now let’s leave before the police start asking too many questions. Kaoru: Hey! Put me down! (In the Kamiya dojo. The vagabond studies the wooden name tags of the people in the school, as a servant, Kiheh, tends Kaoru’s wound.) Vagabond: Adjutant master Kamiya Kaoru. And then—? (Hers is the only name on the wall.) Kaoru: We were a small school, but we had ten students, all training hard. But two months ago his street killings began. One by one the students left, fearing the name of Battousai. The townspeople won’t have anything to do with the dojo. Even in the Meiji era the name of Battousai still commands fear. I don’t know why Battousai would dirty the name of the Kamiya Kasshin School. If he really is Battousai. I haven’t got the slightest idea, but if I can’t stop him soon-- Vagabond: I see, but you should stop keeping these night watches. Kaoru: Huh? Vagabond: That man is stronger than you by far. Kaoru: WHAT? Vagabond: It’s an important part of a swordsman’s nature to know your own and your opponent's strength. You understand what the outcome will be the next time you fight him? (makes a slitting motion across his throat with his finger) Kaoru: The Kamiya Kasshin School was brought into the Meiji era by my father, who survived the violence of the Bakumatsu. My father wasn’t a killer. He fought single-mindedly for his motto, "the sword that protects life." But as a member of the sword-bearing Metropolitan police, he was sent to the Southwest war half a year ago. The place where he died was far from the ideal world he hoped for. This man who calls himself Hitokiri Battousai has already killed more than ten people. The name of the Kamiya Kasshin School, the school left to me by my father, is being degraded by a murderer. But I guess a traveling firecracker salesman wouldn’t understand. (a pause) Vagabond (smiles condescendingly): Well, whatever happens, you can’t keep a night watch with your arm. The best thing for you to do now is to act with caution. If you can’t even keep yourself alive, the ideal of "the sword that protects life" would be a joke. I’m sure your honored father wouldn’t want his school protected at the cost of his daughter’s life. (leaving the room) Excuse me. Kiheh (finishing her bandage): It’s all taken care of, Miss Kaoru. Kaoru: Thank you, Kiheh. Kiheh: Miss Kaoru, you mustn’t let down your guard. After all, salesman is just another word for failure. You’re too kind to such people for your own good. Kaoru: I know. I know . . . (the next day. Kaoru and Kiheh are walking through town. A crowd has gathered.) Kaoru: Have they caught somebody? Police: (dodging blows from a sheathed sword) Hey, stop that! Come quietly! (dodging even more blows)…please? Vagabond: (not even breaking a sweat) No. Kaoru: The vagabond! (running forward) You’re still in town? Vagabond (throws a policeman to the ground): Oh, it’s you. (eyes her up and down) I almost didn’t recognize you in women’s clothes, although I must say (mouth turns up ever so slightly at the corners), not bad-- Kaoru (turning her back in anger and embarrassment): I don’t have to take this. Vagabond: (nonchalalantly) No, you don’t. . . Kaoru: Oh, for pete’s sake. (points to the battered policeman while speaking to Enishi) What’s he done? Vagabond: (lazily) Unlawful arrest. Policeman (still on the ground): As you can see, he’s broken the edict against wearing swords. Kaoru: But—(stops as Enishi sends her a look that says, Keep quiet, and thinks to herself instead) But he really did break the law. The nerve of this guy…but, that’s not his sword?! At least, not the one I saw yesterday, that one was big… Vagabond: (smirks and unsheathes “sword” to reveal sparklers stuck in a sword handle) Hnh. Samurai sparklers. One of my best-selling products. (throws it over his shoulder, the crowd makes a commotion, and starts ooohing and aaahing) But perhaps you’d like to see a real sword…(pats the cloth covered sword at his back and makes as if to reveal it) Policeman: (squirms in embarrassment at his mistake then suddenly recognizes Kaoru) Hey, aren’t you the one from Hitokiri Battousai’s dojo-- Kaoru: That's a lie!! Policeman: (now up on his feet and regaining some semblance of composure) Are you defying government authority? Kaoru: Government my foot! Quit trying to hide behind your uniform! Vagabond: (looks at Kaoru and fingers his chin) So, you do say something sensible once in a while. Impressive. Kaoru (turns angrily to Enishi): What the hell does that mean? (realizes Enishi is not listening and shakes her fist at him) Hey! Listen to me when I’m talking to you! Vagabond: As for you (looks menacingly at policeman), picking on women soothes your ego huh? How shameful. Be a man. (makes as if to uncover his sword) Kiheh (stepping forward): I’m sure we can settle this peaceably, without all this fuss . . . (he takes the policeman's hand in both of his. When he lets go, there is a folded bill in his hand.) Police: Well, we’ll let you off out of consideration for the old man. Next time it’ll be different. (leaving) You watch your mouth, girl. Kaoru (making a face): Jerk! Police: (to Enishi) And as for you…(Enishi lowers his shades and stares straight back)…aaah, have a nice day (runs off). Vagabond: (snickers) I suppose the police aren’t exactly reliable these days, are they? Kaoru: Hm? Vagabond: Nothing. Kaoru: But you were still here. What are you doing in town? Vagabond: No . . . nothing in particular...looking for a place to set up shop. More importantly, has anything further developed in the case of the street killings? Kaoru: Well . . . I thought of someone who might be the killer There’s a dojo called Kiheikan on the outskirts of the neighboring town. Vagabond: Kiheikan? Kaoru: Yes. Well, at least in used to be a dojo, but now it’s more of a gambling hall, and about two months ago an ex-samurai took control of it. He's a large man, six shaku five sun (195 cm or 6’7’’) Vagabond: Hnh. Kaoru: Suspicious, isn’t it? Especially since the attacks began two months ago. You don’t meet a swordsman of that size every day. I don’t have any proof, so I can’t do anything yet, but I know I’m close . . . ! Kiheh: Miss Kaoru, there’s still preparations to be made for dinner. Shall I . . . Kaoru: Yes, please go ahead. Vagabond: That's him from last night, isn't it? Kaoru: Oh, Kiheh? He’s my housekeeper. He came soon after my father died. I took care of him after finding him lying outside the dojo. He worries about a woman practicing kenjutsu. He thinks I should stop teaching, sell the dojo and live in peace. Vagabond: But where did he come from? Kaoru: I didn’t ask, so I don’t know. Vagabond (shocked): You’re pretty trusting. Kaoru: Do you think so? It’s all right. Everyone has one or two things about their past they don’t want to talk about. Aren’t you the same? Isn't that why you became a traveling firecracker salesman? (He looks surprised for a minute, then he nods.) Vagabond: Something like that. Kaoru: A traveling salesman probably doesn’t have much to spare for an inn, so will you stay at the house? Vagabond: That’s all right. I have a little business to take care of, so I’ll see you later. Kaoru: Um, about before-- Vagabond: It’s already been forgotten. I’ll see you. Kaoru: W-wait a minute. Vagabond (a little annoyed): Is there something else? Kaoru: Um, the other day . . . you saved me and I didn’t have a word of thanks--um . . . I’m sorry. Vagabond (arches an eyebrow): Are you now? Kaoru (beating him up): Jeez, I’m trying to apologize!! Vagabond (nonchalanty): So you were. (shakes his head) I don’t worry about little things like that. You don’t need to either. (pushes his shades up) I'll see you later. Kaoru (as they walk off in different directions): Oh, I forgot to ask about the combination Chinese hilt and Japanese blade. Oh well. (thinking) I wonder what kind of business?Setting up shop, most likely Those seemed like pretty cool fireworks… Vagabond (thinking): This Kiheikan is in the next town over . . . no wonder I didn’t find anything when I looked around here. I wonder how much firecrackers cost there… Onlooker: Excuse me, you’re the firecracker salesman right? I was wondering how much these sparklers cost… (That night, outside the Kiheikan) Vagabond: Another day, another sale. (grins maniacally) Now, on to more interesting business. (raps the door loudly) Open up! (An angry man opens the door.) Nishiwaki: All right, what do you want! Vagabond: I’d like to see your leader-- Nishiwaki: Master Hiruma’s out now. Come back later! Vagabond: Oh ho, is he called Hiruma? Nishiwaki: You came here and you didn’t even know that, you little-- Vagabond (snickers): So that’s where he gets his illusions of being Battousai. (to himself) Kaoru was right about the hideout, if not the name. Another Guy (from behind him): What’s the problem, Nishiwaki? Who's this punk? Nishiwaki: He’s just a traveling firecracker salesman. (Fighters have formed a ring around him.) He’s finished. (At the Kamiya dojo. Kaoru is reading, a cup of tea beside her. The cup suddenly cracks.) Kaoru: Uh-oh. The cup just cracked by itself . . . Kiheh: Miss Kaoru. (she jumps) Kaoru: You startled me, Kiheh. What is it? Kiheh: Actually, it’s about the sale of the dojo. (holding up a deed of sale.) Kaoru: I've said before that I don't intend to sell the dojo-- Kiheh: Actually, the papers are already being settled. Kaoru: Kiheh? Kiheh: I just need your seal. (The Battousai swordsman and a group of other fighters appear in the door behind him.) Kiheh: And then the property will be ours! Kaoru (recognizing him): It’s you! Kiheh: The head of the Kiheikan, Hiruma Goheh. My younger brother. (Kaoru snatches up a bokutou from the rack behind her.) Kiheh: I really don’t like this kind of thing. I’d rather do it legally, but you were close to discovering my brother’s true identity. Playing the good-tempered old man to gain the trust of a woman living alone all went according to plan, but even though you turned out to be good-natured, you were stubborn about kenjutsu. Kaoru: Kiheh. Kiheh: So then I used my brother to stir up some trouble and dishonor the name of the school. The fame of Hitokiri Battousai was just what we needed. Although the presence of the legendary Hitokiri was unbelievable, stories of his incomparable strength have been told for years. Thanks to him, we have the events of the past two months. According to my calculations, the government policies of "culture and enlightenment" and "westernization" should have increased the land value by five or six times. A kenjutsu dojo is simply a waste of space. Kaoru: Kiheh . . . Goheh: My brother says your motto is "the sword that protects life"? Interesting. But here the only one to protect is yourself. (Kaoru remains where she is, sword ready.) Goheh: If you won't come to me, I'll go to you. (She lunges forward. He blocks her stroke with his bare hand.) Goheh: Like I thought . . . a woman who believes this crap can't fight. (He slices downward. Kaoru blocks with her bokutou, which breaks in half. Goheh picks her up by the front of the shirt.) Goheh: My goal is violence! My essence is killing! That's what kenjutsu is all about! (Kiheh nicks her thumb with a small knife and presses it to the deed.) Kiheh: That’s it. The land is ours. The Kamiya Kasshin school is no more. (Nishiwaki appears in the doorway.) Goheh: Nishiwaki? What’s wrong with you? Nishiwaki: . . . strong . . . (He collapses, revealing the vagabond behind him.) Kaoru: The . . . the salesman! Vagabond: Sorry I’m late. (breezes in) I heard the whole story from him. Goheh: You again. You're probably with the girl on this "sword that protects life" thing. Vagabond: No. A sword is a weapon. Kenjutsu is the art of killing. Whatever pretty words you use to speak of it, this is its true nature. What Kaoru says are the words of one who has never dirtied her hands. An idealistic joke. Kaoru: You . . . Vagabond: But, you’re right on one thing. I’m with the girl. Kaoru (startled): Eh? Goheh: Brother, you don’t care if I kill him, do you? Kiheh: No. He’s in our way. Have your men kill him by inches. Goheh (to his men): Go on!! Kaoru: Run for it!! Vagabond: I don’t want to cause a lot of injuries unnecessarily. All those who don’t like visiting the doctor should retreat now. Fighters: There aren’t going to be any injuries! Just one death!! (The vagabond moves like a whirlwind through the group, taking down everyone in his way.) Kiheh: He’s taking out four or five with each stroke . . . is . . is it sorcery? Kaoru (thinking): No, it’s not sorcery. It’s speed! Goheh (thinking): The speed of the sword, the speed of his body, the speed of reading his opponent's moves . . . he's using them to bring down as many as he can with the least possible movements!! And man, what a cool sword!!! (Every last fighter has been laid out on the floor.) Vagabond: I forgot to say one thing. Hitokiri Battousai’s style of fighting is not that of the Kamiya Kasshin School. It’s an old style of kenjutsu which arose in the Sengoku era, designed to face many opponents at once. The name is Hiten Mitsurugi. Kaoru: No . . . so you're Hitokiri Battousai . . . Goheh (flinging Kaoru down): Interesting! You were hiding your strength the other night! Vagabond: Don’t flatter yourself, I’m not like you. I don’t pretend to be Battousai. I don’t care about the guy, but now I regret that I did not destroy him that night. Goheh: You've got guts, but that's just plain arrogant. (raising his sword) The world doesn’t need two Battousais! The name should belong to me!! (The vagabond seems to disappear.) Vagabond: Up here. (Goheh freezes in terror; the vagabond deals him one blow from above, smashing him through the floor.) Vagabond: I have no fondness for the name of Battousai. But I will not allow a man like you to be known as such. (turning to Kiheh) You’re the only one left. As the mastermind of this plot, your punishment should be more severe, if only because you were sloppy and failed to do research. (grins maniacally) What shall it be? (Kiheh faints. The vagabond takes the deed from him and tears it up.) Vagabond: Like all tricksters, he seems to have a coward’s nature. (to Kaoru) I really am not Battousai. He’s my brother-in-law (makes a face). We don’t get along too well so I don’t brag about it. Not that it’s anything to brag about. He’s about this tall (puts his hand to his waist) and likes radishes so much it’s unhealthy. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got to make a sale. Kaoru: wait . . . wait . . . WAIT ONE MINUTE!! Vagabond: Hnh. What now? Kaoru: How am I supposed to run the school by myself?? Can’t you help me for just a little!! I couldn’t care less about someone's family! Vagabond: Considering Kiheh, maybe you should care a little more. Kaoru: Gosh darn it you're right. Vagabond: It’s better that I go. You can finally clear away the disgrace from your school. If the – (thinks to himself) wife of the-- real Battousai finds me here, I’ll lose everything. (to himself) Gomen, ‘neesan… Kaoru: I didn’t say I wanted Battousai to stay! I want the traveling firecracker salesman-- (she stops herself.) Well, fine! If you have to leave then leave! But if you’re leaving, at least tell me your name. Battousai was the name of the patriot, a long time ago. And since you’re not him, should there be any reason why you wouldn't want to tell me your real name--? (A pause. He slides the door shut again.) Enishi: Enishi. Yukishiro Enishi. That’s my name though some people call me tiger. (grins widely) Most people call me boss. I’m a little tired of direct selling. So the story begins--
In the eleventh year of the Meiji era, in a town near Tokyo--
The traveling firecracker salesman Yukishiro Enishi’s visit--
Enishi: Ain’t it obvious baby? Kaoru: And just how many people call you boss? You’re ONLY a salesman… Enishi (counting on his fingers): Well, let’s see, there’s Wu Hei Shin, Gein and the Sushin… but don’t worry baby, you don’t have to call me that. You, on the other hand, can call me anything you damn want... (grins widely) Kaoru: (blushes) I can? … Hey, did you just call me baby?! [main]
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