"No more!" I wanted to shout, "Please, sister, help me," I cried but no one answered. "What kind of monster have I become?" And I realized that I became like him and I abhorred that thought. I have stooped to his level and I am consumed by the same monsters that has consumed him. As much as I want to say that I fought for my sister's sake, it could never erase the fact that I have killed so many innocent people in my quest for an unmerited revenge.

I smiled bitterly at that thought. I have even forgotten how it feels to be human anymore, how it feels to be innocent and young, all of which I squandered because of a selfish boy's desperate need to be loved and his twisted notion of love. Love, I scoffed at that thought. For I vaguely remember that emotion anymore. For it was only my sister that answered that little boy's longing to be loved. She was the only one that loved me and I didn't want to share that with anyone. I realize that I had always been different, consumed by my emotions. And I could never deal with rejection.

It's funny really, that it is only now that I realize that. Now that it is too late to change anything. Too late to bring back the helpless people that the cruel boy had killed, too late to ask for forgiveness for the family that shared with him compassion. Too late not to be haunted by these people. Lost in my thoughts, I was startled when I heard footsteps approaching.

"It's her!" I thought with relief. I won't let her leave this time. I know I would pay for my selfishness someday but I want so much to bask into her light. To feel innocent again, I craved her attention, her kindness, her humanity. Just this once, I want to feel human.

She looked at me uncertainly and took a step nearer. Her hand hovered over my head then finally rested on my forehead. I smiled at this simple gesture and I cringed inwardly at how warm her hands were. And I'm glad that she's worried for me. Although my mind was telling me that she's not mine to keep, I savored her light. For today, I can pretend that she can be mine.

"Here, I brought some of Megumi-san's medicine and some food," she said kneeling beside me.

Unsure on what to do, I took what she offered. At that, she smiled at me and I was blinded by it. "Battousai, how lucky he is. To be able to see that smile. For him to treasure forever." Tearing my eyes off her, I looked at the medicines and food she brought.

"Hey, go on, you better eat and drink your medicines. You know I won't leave unless you do." she said reproachfully.

"Ah," I murmured, thankful that she would stay even for just a while. I ate in silence not wanting to disturb her. I realized that she cooked for me and no matter how terrible the food was, I treasured every bite for she made it for me. Not him, but me, only for me.

"So, how was it?" she asked excitedly.

Unwilling to let her see, how much I treasured the food she cooked, I replied scathingly, "The food was terrible."

I expected her to shout at me but I was shocked to see her lips beginning to quiver. "Oh my God," I thought "She's going to cry. What have I done?" I rose uncertainly and began to apologize "I'm sorry" I said, taking a step closer to her.

"Stop it, damn it! Don't say you're sorry when it's true. I'm sick and tired of all this. I can't cook, I can't control my temper. I can never replace your sister, right? I'll never be good enough!" she cried brokenly.

At her words, I realize what it was all about. I saw how much she had been trying to prove to him that she could be loved as much as he had loved my sister. That is probably the reason why she wanted to help me. It wasn't jealousy I saw but sincerity and helplessness.

Unlike me, she faced all her uncertainties and loneliness head-on and tried to become a better person. Yet I could see that she had been denying her true self. In her effort to prove that she could be loved, she had been fighting with her identity. And now, she is reaching her breaking point. How stupid of him not to acknowledge her courage and strength. And how very cruel of him to leave her so uncertain, trying to grope with all her emotions. For in his guilt, he failed to see her beauty and her life.

"I didn't mean it like that." I said calming her. What has he done to her. She is strong but she can only take so much. I almost smiled at how shocked she was at my words. She didn't expect me to sympathize, I realized. It's funny really because I didn't really expect to sympathize with her. The emotions that I have been trying to hide in the past 10 years are beginning to resurface and that scared me. As much as I wanted to retain my facade of hatred, I couldn't. Not when, she's hurting so much.

"I'm sorry," she said brokenly, trying to control her emotions " I didn't mean to shout at you."

At that, I forgot how much I used to despise her for replacing my sister. And all the defenses that I have built for myself crumbled. Unable to stop myself I whispered "You are so beautiful." I was taken aback at what I said and I was embarrased to face her. Yet I was unable to withstand the silence so I glanced at her and I was horrified to see that she was silently crying. My words seem to have opened a dam to her tears.

Unsure on what to do, I gathered her in my arms. I tried to stifle the pleasure that I felt in having her in my arms even just this once but I couldn't. Her warmth engulfed me and I savored every minute of her closeness. I have never felt this warm and this human before. She even fits me perfectly. At the back of my mind, I knew I'll pay for this someday but no matter what, I still have this to treasure. Finally the tempest died down until it finally stopped and I reluctantly pulled her away to look into her eyes.

"I'm sorry" she said, blushing " I don't know what to say."

"Don't say anything." I said. I didn't want her to regret what she had done. "It's all right, ok."

"Ok, but you're still taking your medicines and I would like to bandage your wounds," she said jokingly. I can see that she's still uncertain on my change of attitude and I'm glad that she didn't probe for I wouldn't know what to tell her.

"Yes, ma'am." I replied and I smiled at how beautiful the world was once more.

From that day forward, it had become a routine for her to visit me. Everyday, I await her arrival, pleasure cpursing through my body. However, this pleasure comes with pain for I know that this would soon stop as I slowly started to gain back my strength. She'll never come back soon and I dreaded this thought. For I know that I have fallen foolishly in love with her. She had become my life.