Rurouni Rewrites (Or Traveling Firecracker Salesman Enishi)
Volume 1--* Where in Japan is Hitokiri Battousai?

Part 5--A Fighting Man

(A punch, and a man goes down, losing his knife and a couple of teeth. An alley is strewn with fallen fighters, around a single man carrying a long, thin wrapped bundle. His name is Zanza. There is only one other man left who is still conscious, and he is sitting up against a fence.)

Man: I know, we've lost. You're strong. Please, spare me.

Zanza: You don't have to say it. I'm already done. You're too weak! If I kept going I'd just be picking on a bunch of weaklings. I bought into a boring fight. Aren't there any real fighters around here?

Enishi (sneezes): Damn gunpowder.

(He's making fireworks outside the dojo. Kaoru comes out of the house waving a scroll.)

Kaoru: We won't have to worry about expenses for a while! I was cleaning out the closet and found this! My grandfather painted it--

Enishi (not looking the least bit interested): Interesting.

Kaoru: It's an ink painting!! My grandfather taught kenjutsu too, but he did some painting on the side. We can sell it for some money. (hugging the scroll) Oh, thank you, grandfather.

Yahiko: Money-grubber.

Kaoru: This calls for a celebration. Let's go have some sukiyaki!

Enishi: No.

Yahiko (being restrained by Kaoru): Hey, don't go all self-righteous on me Enishi! Free sukiyaki is still free sukiyaki, even if it's from this hag!

Kaoru (bops Enishi on the head with the scroll): You little brat! Stop calling me hag! (to Enishi) As for you, can't you take a free meal?

Enishi (packs up finished firecrackers): Fine. Let's go for sukiyaki after I deliver these sparklers to my Kyoto distributor. (takes scroll from Kaoru) How much did you say this was worth again? I'll pay double. You know what they say about art being an investment…

The Meiji era of culture and enlightenment had many effects; the new era saw the introduction of various new kinds of foods. Among them was gyuunabe, or what is now called sukiyaki. It was something the ordinary people could afford to eat, which won great popularity and showed the influence of western cooking.

(they enter a restaurant called the Akabeko. The store's hostess, Tae, greets them)

Tae: Welcome--oh, it's you, Kaoru!

Kaoru: I haven't seen you in a long time, Tae.

Tae: You're looking better all the time. I haven't seen your friends before. (pointing at Enishi) Is that your sweetheart?

Kaoru (blushing): No, no, he's just staying at the dojo.

Enishi (mutters under his breath): Not yet.

Tae: Excuse me?

Enishi: Yukishiro Enishi. Pleased to meet you. I sell firecrackers.

(Three men are having a noisy argument the next booth over.)

Man 1: The world of democracy and freedom will never come that way. We have to be more radical--

Man 2: But that means throwing Itagaki-sensei into the world of death.

Man 3: Exactly! Okubo of the Department of Internal Affairs wouldn't even pardon the great Saigou.

Man 1: Okubo is great! He'll become a star just like the great Saigou.

Man 2: Idiot! This talk of stars is only fit for fairy tales.

Man 3: If Itagaki-sensei dies, freedom dies too!

Tae: They come here occasionally, but when they're drunk they're always like this.

Enishi: They sound like supporters of the Civil Rights and Freedom movement.

Kaoru: I don't know what they're talking about though.

Yahiko: They're just drunks.

Tae: Well, let's not worry about it. Sukiyaki for three?

Kaoru: Mm-hmm, and three coffees after. Yahiko, (patting him on the head) have you ever had coffee?

Yahiko: You'd better knock that off.

Enishi: I bet you two have never tasted mocha javas-- (he freezes suddenly)

Kaoru: What's tha--

(Enishi catches the sake bottle thrown at his head, but gets drenched by its contents.)

Kaoru: Enishi!

Enishi (his hair all droopy): My hair . . .

Man 1: Try saying that again!

Man 2: I'll say it as many times as I want!

Man 3: You're nothing but a puppet--

Yahiko: Hey, what are you arguing for when you're throwing sake bottles at people! Apologize first, then you can talk about it!

(They stare at him a minute.)

Men: Shut up!! It'd take a brat like you a hundred years to learn enough to give opinions to us!

Yahiko: Don't give me that brat shit! I'm telling you to apologize, you drunks!

Man 2: How dare you call us drunk! We're from the Movement for Freedom and Civil--

Yahiko: Anyone who drinks can get drunk!

Tae (hurrying over): Gentlemen, please. Let's not cause trouble.

Man 1 (hitting her): Shut up! So a woman thinks she can stand against us now?

Kaoru: Tae!

(A hand reaches out to catch her.)

Zanza: Careful. (steadying her) The Movement is for the sake of the weak. Supporters of the cause shouldn't act like this. Or maybe you mean something different by Civil Rights and Freedoms? Like the freedom to get drunk and cause trouble?

Drunks: Why you--

Zanza: You all right?

Tae: Y--yes.

Drunks: You looking for a fight?

Zanza: Yeah. I do that from time to time. I'm just your ordinary specialist. I hate guys who pick on the weak, I hate seeing 'em. But I really hate the ones that yap about pretty things like freedom, or justice, or equality. I've had enough of those hypocritical bastards!

Drunks: Let's take this outside!

(Outside the Akabeko, Zanza and the largest of the drunks face off, surrounded by a crowd.)

Bystander: What a weird story!

Enishi: Should I even bother?

Yahiko: They want to fight.

Drunk: I'm not showing any mercy, even if you cry.

Zanza: First test your own strength! Take a shot.

(He punches Zanza--but with a concealed small metal rod, a sort of Japanese brass knuckles, in his fist.)

Kaoru: Coward! He's got a hidden suntetsu!

Drunk 2: Shut up! The suntetsu is supposed to be a hidden weapon!

Enishi: Yeah, but it seems to have little use in this match.

(Zanza hasn't budged an inch, despite taking the full force of the blow.)

Zanza: You used a suntetsu. And I barely felt a thing. (the drunk drops the suntetsu, finger and arm bleeding) If I used my full strength I'd just be picking on weaklings again. I'll take you out with one finger.

(he flicks his forehead with one finger. The drunk goes flying.)

Zanza: I bought into a boring fight.

Yahiko: Just one flick to the forehead . . .

(One of the drunks starts to draw a short sword. Behind him--)

Enishi: Causing a disturbance while drunk I can overlook. But if you intend to draw that, my patience is at an end. The Movement is a great cause indeed. But before you start to reform the government you should first reform yourselves. Now pay your bill and be gone. My sukiyaki's getting cold.

(They leave, carrying their friend.)

Enishi: Guess I should thank you for taking those drunks out.

Zanza: What? I fought cause I wanted to. It's not such a big deal that you have to thank me. Sorry I caused such a fuss. Oh, swordsman, your hair okay?

Enishi: It will dry out. And I'm more of a salesman than swordsman.

Zanza: Guess so. But if you had dodged, it would have hit the girl in the face and she'd be the one bleeding now. Not to mention sopping wet with sake. So by not dodging you shielded her with your own head, right?

Enishi: You give me too much credit. I was careless enough to get wet.

Zanza: Modest, huh. I like that. How about a fight? It'll be a good one.

Enishi: I'll have to decline. Like I said, I am a salesman.

Zanza: Well, tell me if you ever feel like it. I'm at the abandoned longhouse on the edge of town. See ya.

(As he walks off, they see that the character for evil is written on the back of his jacket.)

Yahiko: Is such a person good or evil?

Enishi: I'd say bad, as in bad taste.

Tae (clapping a hand over her mouth): Oh my!

Kaoru: You know him, Tae?

Tae: He left without paying his bill . . .

(That evening, in the abandoned longhouse where Zanza has made his home. Zanza is eating while Kiheh and Goheh sit before him.)

Zanza: Hmm . . . so you want me to destroy this guy.

Kiheh: Yes. Completely. I think you'll be able to do it.

Zanza: Hey, don't talk to me like I was an assassin. Whether he lives or dies is up to fate. I'm just looking forward to the fight. But how could you guys break out of prison?

Kiheh: That shows you our grievance. If he hadn't been there everything would have gone perfectly.

Zanza: Pathetic. So, this guy Enishi, is he any good? I had two boring fights in two days and I've getting kinda sick of it.

Goheh: He's strong! He took me out in a single blow!

Zanza: Idiot! He could kill you ten thousand times and it wouldn't prove he was strong!

Kiheh: Well, now, in your ear.

Zanza: Hey, hey, get your ugly face away from me.

Kiheh (whispering): The man called Enishi is really . . .

Zanza: Are you sure?

Kiheh: How about it, Mr. Zanza? I think he'll be satisfactory.

Zanza: Yes. It's been years since I used this in a fight! (holding his long cloth-wrapped bundle) Firecracker salesman Yukishiro Enishi! The brother-in-law of the legendary Hitokiri Battousai who matches him in skill, if not in height! The street figher Zanza has been searching for a match like you!

to Part 6

view/sign/flame   mail us

[main]   [Part 1]   [Part 2]   [Part 3]   [Part 4]   [top]

Disclaimer: Site created by the ExK no Tenshi-tachi. Enishi, Kaoru & other Rurouni Kenshin characters belong to Watsuki Nobuhiro-sensei, Sony, and Shonen Jump. The rest are products of the webdominatrices' imagination. Please don't sue us. We're very poor.