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Rurouni Rewrites (Or Traveling Firecracker Salesman Enishi)
Part 6--Showdown--Sagara Sanosuke Goheh (wearing a Sanosuke wig): "Firecracker salesman Yukishiro Enishi! The brother-in-law of the legendary Hitokiri Battousai who matches him in skill, if not in height! The street figher Zanza has been searching for a match like you!" It's been two weeks! Where is that rooster head? Kiheh: I can't believe he would get scared and run off. Goheh: "I'm just looking forward to the fight!" Heh, what a joke!-- Zanza (boxing his ears): You're the one joking! You keep up that weird copycat stuff and I'll hang you upside down. Kiheh: O-oh, Mr. Zanza. Where have you been? Zanza: The fight. Kiheh: The--a different fight? Zanza: No, stupid. The fight doesn't start with the kicks and punches. But a fake god of wealth and a muscle-bound freak wouldn't understand. (he picks up his bundle and leaves.) Kiheh: The street fighter Zanza . . . He's well known in the underworld of East Tokyo as a fighter-for-hire. He decides how much to charge for a fight by how much he enjoyed it. He's rude, a lone wolf. But he's strong! They say that after he's done with someone they see the character on his back for months in their dreams. If we use him we'll be rid of that annoying pest for sure. (thinking) That damn salesman Yukishiro Enishii! (the Kamiya dojo. Yahiko is eating rice balls, Kaoru is reading. Enishi is doing his weekly sales report.) Enishi (standing up): Someone's outside. (he walks down the hall, Kaoru hurrying after him.) Kaoru: Wait, Enishi, what's wrong? Enishi: I felt his ki. (He opens the door to see Zanza standing in the yard.) It couldn't be hidden. This foolishly straightforward fighting spirit. (grunts) Besides, he's too damn noisy for his own good. Zanza: I'm here for a fight. Kaoru: It's him! Enishi: I thought it might be you. I could hear ya whistling a mile away. Didn't I tell you I don't want any of this nonsense? Zanza: That's no good now. I'm here as a hired fighter, I can't back out. Especially since my target is the patriot Himura Battousai's infamous brother-in-law. (General shock.) Zanza: The Choushuu patriot Himura Battousai. Practitioner of the old style of kenjutsu Hiten Mitsurugi, who wielded his sword as the Hitokiri. He worked for five years, from the age of 14 to 19. For the first half, he literally was a killer, a cold-hearted assassin who killed in darkness. For the second half, he defended the revolutionaries from the Shogun's swordsmen units like the Shinsengumi, acting as a bodyguard. Originally he was meant to remain obscure, but today he's gained great fame for his work. Enishi: (yawns) Tell us something we don't know. Zanza: Yeah, yeah, yeah, I'm getting there, What most people don't know is that he had a wife, Yukishiro Tomoe, the fiancée of a low-ranked samurai he killed while on duty in Kyoto. Tomoe had a younger brother, Yukishiro Enishi, who, unbeknownst to them, hated Battousai and because of this hatred was a spy for the opposition group. Battousai fell straight into the enemy's trap, believing that his wife had been kidnapped, when in fact, she left of her own accord, at her brother's behest. Enishi: (frowns) I still say she's way too good for the likes of him. Zanza: Let me finish, will ya?! My sources aren't clear as to what happens at this point, but somehow, in the course of the fight, Battousai almost kills Tomoe, and decides he wants out of the hitokiri biz. After the first battle of Tobafushimi, he disappeared, along with his wife, who by now, was wanted by the opposition group, since she turned on them and took little brother along. What happens to little brother afterwards is shrouded in mystery. There are rumors here and there of Battousai and his wife's whereabouts, but nothing as to where Enishi may have gone. All that is known is that he left Kyoto, vowing to get back at his brother-in-law, whom he blames for his white hair. Ten years later, a mysterious firecracker salesman arrives, with a head full of white hair and a sword technique as powerful as Hiten Mitsurugi. The real fight begins when you know your enemy and decide how to fight him. I had to go to Kyoto, the center of the Bakumatsu bloodshed, to find out about you. Was I more or less right? Enishi: You call that research? And for the record, my hair is ASH BLONDE. Zanza: There's the problem! I couldn't afford to go to China so all I could find out was a rough account of your childhood career. What kind of kenjutsu is the Hiten Mitsurugi school and how does your self-styled watoujutsu negate this? And changing from a cold-hearted spy to a firecracker salesman is an important point. I don't understand at all. I haven't figured you out yet, so I'm just going to meet you head on. A fair fight. (the Hiruma brothers are watching from behind a fence.) Goheh: Hey, brother, do you really think this Zanza guy can win? Kiheh: His opponent is the Salesman. The outcome is already decided. Goheh: But-- Kiheh: Don't fuss. My plans have included Zanza's failure from the beginning! Zanza will lose, but I've heard he's a very strong fighter. Even if he's killed, he won't go without giving a good fight, probably wounding the Saleman. Immediately after the battle, I'll bring him down the instant he lets down his guard. (he draws a pistol out of his kimono.) I brought it from the foreigner's quarters in Yokohama. This should do the trick! Enishi: I also do not understand. Zanza: Huh? Enishi: I've seen that you hate bullying the weak. Why then make your living ignobly as a street fighter when you can earn commission by selling Crouching Tiger firecrackers (and coming soon, Crouching Tiger herbal tea and Crouching Tiger eucalyptus oil liniment)? Why do you wear the character for evil on your bck? *snickers* You're too much of a chicken for that. You mean well but are simply too full of yourself. And terribly bitter to boot. What could have done this to you? Zanza (echoing him): What could . . . (then he smiles) Stop. That'd make a sad story before a fight. If you really want to know, fight me and beat me! Let me just say this. I hate being a sales associate! I tried that once, and I earn more in one fight than I did for a year! Salesmen are cheats! I'll never work for one again! Enishi (nerves popping all over his forehead): Then you're a fool! I give my associates 10% commission for every batch of firecracker sold, on top of their basic wages! Not to mention health insurance, paid vacations, and thirteenth month pay! It's almost a f----in charity! Kaoru: Enishi! Enishi: But answer me one thing. Are the Hiruma brothers the ones who hired you? Zanza: Bull's eye. Very clever. Enishi: They're the only ones in town who know my past. And in the shadow of the wall, dirty killing ki hangs in the air. (to the wall) Don't hide, come out. Zanza: So you really are a first-class swordsman. Hey, give it up. (They watch the wall.) Zanza: I said, come out. (the brothers approach.) Zanza: That's good. Now hand it over. Kiheh: What? Zanza: Don't give me that. (He grabs the gun.) Maybe I can't read your spirit, but I know how a bastard like you thinks. You hired me for this fight, but after it's paid for it's mine. Any stupid interruptions like this--(he smashes the gun between his fists)--I won't stand for. Kaoru: . . . Kiheh. Kiheh (snarling): The land will be mine, little girl! Zanza: The dojo's a little small. Let's take this down by the river. (They form a little procession going through town, Zanza balancing the bundle on his shoulders.) Yahiko (thinking): He doesn't stand out or anything. Enishi: Oi. Were you surprised? Yahiko: Well, kinda. But I'm not really shocked. Even if you are the Hitokiri' brother-in-law, I'm not scared of you. Actually it's kinda comforting to know there's a reason why you're as strong as a demon. (Kaoru smiles. Enishi looks a tad miffed.) Enishi: He had nothing to do with my being strong.. (he looks up and notices the huge bundle) Hrn. Yahiko: Whadduya mean, hrn? Look at that thing. It's gotta be a spear. They say if it's spear against sword he'll have three times your power. Zanza: It's not a spear, kid. It's much better than that. (at the river bank. They prepare for the fight.) Zanza: Well, just so everything's equal, let me introduce myself. My name is Sagara Sanosuke. In the underworld, I go by Zanza. (He pulls the wrappings from his bundle, revealing a huge sword. The blade is at least a foot and a half wide, with a pole for a handle.) Zanza: Sanosuke of the Zanbatou. Zanza for short.
Goheh: So this is the so-called . . . Kiheh: Zanza's "partner." Zanza: It's an antique from the wars of another age. It hasn't been sharpened since then either. Even though it's a sword it's got no edge on it at all. But, being bludgeoned to death is a definite possibility. Enishi (drawing his sword): Yukishiro Enishi, the anti-Hiten Mitsurugi. Wielder of the only hybrid Chinese-Japanese sword in existence (almost gets carried away with praise for his sword)…but you knew that already. You've done your (makes quotation signs in the air) "research". Zanza: Yes. So let me give you one piece of advice. Throw away all your pretty thoughts of staying clean and becoming a salesman. (he charges) Or else you'll be the one to die!!! Goheh: He's fast! Kaoru: Even carrying that heavy thing! (Zanza brings the sword down, breaking Enishi's sheath. Enishi leaps clear, hitting Zanza in the back and sending him flying.) Yahiko: No matter how big that thing is, it doesn't mean a thing if he can't hit with it! Enishi's got it made . . . (He stops when he sees Enishi's look.) Zanza (picking himself up): You're as strong as I've heard. No wonder, since you spent your life fighting a legend. Kaoru: This isn't good . . . We misjudged his strength. This isn't good . . . We were wrong about his strength. His true strength is neither the monstrous force that destroyed a large man with just one finger or the great blows of the zanbatou. He took a suntetsu between the eyebrows and didn't move a muscle. It's his strength of endurance that's extraordinary! (thinking) Until now Enishi's anti-Hiten Mitsurugi techniques have defeated all enemies with a single blow. That blow had no effect on this man! Zanza: This is a fight, not a duel. The better swordsman isn't going to win. It's going to be the man left on his feet. Enishi: You may give that speech when you're the one left standing! Rurouni Rewrites Volume One--End to be continued... [main]
[Part 1]
[Part 2]
[Part 3]
[Part 4]
[Part 5]
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